Winning an African woman in under 45 seconds? Wueh! Gather around, citizens of this republic of dust. Let us hold hands and weep, for the boychild is under siege. The enemy is no longer the economy, nor is it the Finance Bill. The enemy has arrived, and he speaks in a heavy russian accent. Not even the British English of the nose. Infact, no woman even got to ask him to send her 2K urgently before the meetup for horizontal engineering. This Russian man was operating on a level of efficiency that defies the laws of physics.
In just 45 seconds, one Russian man by the name Yaytseslav Trahov did the impossible. He went viral for bagging over 1200 women by just exchanging pleasantries, introducing himself and sealing a “deal” all within 45 seconds. He was later arrested in Tokyo.
By now you have seen the videos I assume.
We’ve shared an embed snippet here, so you can judge for yourself. From the streets of Accra to the heart of Nairobi and all major hubs of South Africa, over 1,200 women were instantly captivated by a single Russian man without money or car in sight. Yes! You read that right. What was his ultimate cheat code for attraction?
“Yani, a man lands in Kenya, and before his passport stamp is even dry, he is already conducting intense Horizontal Engineering with our women? Jesu tulikosea wapi?
Usually, an African man needs a PowerPoint presentation, a character reference from his local chief, and a bank statement just to get a ‘Seen’ blue tick on WhatsApp.” – ngulusumu sufferer from X.
What Is It With Some African Women and White Men?
Saitaan! Let’s address the elephant in the room. There is a deep-seated belief that “Foreign is Better.” It’s a colonized mindset that has moved from our history books into our bedrooms. The belief that a white man will rescue you from the trenches of Roysambu and take you to a land where milk and honey flow from the taps is akin to spitting on the efforts of your forefathers.
Omonguru! Also note that this guy did not deploy any seduction techniques being sold by those CHUD masculine technique teachers who promise you gonna finish once a week while you make her finish 10 times daily, don’t laugh they do exist, I have seen and read it with my own two eyes that do not wear spectacles.
This man, by the standards set on us by our own African women >>> has no vibes, no flow, no charisma, no evidence of Engonga-like horizontal engineering apparatus, that are used in eating the food that faces the earth. Yet, he is winning.
Sealing the deal within 45 Seconds? How?
I’m tyring to get answers here. Daughters of jezebel help us in the comment section. Tell us what you find special with him, his accent or complexion… we sure didn’t see money on sight…
Let us look at the statistics, because numbers don’t lie, but women do. Ooh they really DO LIE!
A typical Kenyan man needs three business days, a bouquet of withered roses, a bucket of snake tears (Guarana ), and a handwritten apology from his ancestors on why they left him without life changing inheritance just to get a lady to reply to “Hi.”
Enter the Russian.
He walks up to a lady. It could be a Mama Mboga rearranging her tomatoes… literally. Or a shop attendant calculating losses, or a slay queen waiting for an Uber. He approaches with the confidence of a Super Metro nganya driver on the wrong lane on Jogoo Road.
The Literal Script He Used:
- “Hello.”
- “I am Russian.”
- “You are beautiful.”
- “Number?”
Time elapsed: 45 seconds (including all the women responses).
“45 seconds! Even instant noodles take longer to cook! Even M-Pesa takes longer to send a confirmation message of the 2K you sent urgently to that cheating galfwend of yours who will hook up with the Russian man after a 45 second conversation. Omeraa Yawa!!”
And what do our lovely African sisters do? Do they request 2K urgently from him? No! Do they say the gas is kwinished and need refilling? No!
Nada! They melt and dissolve like that abueshen pill under the tongue once a woman who has slept raw with a russian man finds out he is omupregnant. They hand over their phone numbers with a speed that suggests they have been waiting for this prophecy to be fulfilled since 1963. Is it the accent? Is it the pale skin? I doubt the pale skin because Isaka Mwaura our kafment spokesman has been pale all his albino life. Or is it the delusion that this man has dollars stashed in his socks or whatever the Kremlin trades in.
This is what we call Instant boxing. In this economy, nobody has time for “getting to know your favorite color.”
The ‘talking stage’ has been deleted by the Russian Man. He has bypassed the firewall of ‘standards’ and ‘requirements’ using a foreign IP address.
What is going on is a total system failure. The traditional dating gatekeepers including pride, ego, and my personal favorite “I’m not that kind of girl” … all go on strike. When the “invader” is foreign of course. Try using his formula or just mere greetings without a pale skin or a GLE and you will be booked for sexual harassment in Kamiti prison. kwani ni kesho?!!
My chest is tightening as i type this, the pains are too severe for my comfort.
Fun Fact: 1 Russian Ruble = 1.69 Kenyan Shillings (as of the time of publishing of this article)
The Walk of Shame after Horizontal Engineering
It does not end there. If it ended at the phone number, we would forgive the Russian man. We would say, “Okay, he is just building his contacts list and preparing his newsletter.”
But no. This man is here for Raw Site Visits.
He calls. They meet. Then without breaking a sweat… this part i’m not sure… maybe he breaks the sweat after…scratch that, they defintiley break a sweat together after… after he introduces them to his engineering apparatus. He distributes seed to the darker regions with no mercy. He tirelessly conducts deep excavation in the tunnel(s) – might be both tunnels cuz this suodom and gamoorah genz-eration really knows how to have fun without boundaries.
However, truth be told, most women in the videos looks like married women a.k.a wife materials. No baddie in sight. Those are in posh estates. the kremlin man was conducting his research in low end estates. yaani even vienyeji women are not safe for us men of culture.
Pain goes directly to my epiglottis. i can’t even swallow my disappointment. What was wrong with circumcising women again? Forgive me, ayam hurt truly!
The Russian man chuns the ferments without even paying for a brewing permit!
This is the part that makes us AFrican men want to go to the mountains and scream. How?
In a city where “No Money, No Honey” is the national anthem, how does Vladimir get to plow the mines of gold and fountains of youth in the nether lands without even a mining permit? HOW? Women HOW?
And the worst part? The documentation. Jesoh! This is the part where some men have seen their wives auditioning for the Kremlin sieks-capades.
Scene: A dimly lit room in an estate that looks suspiciously like Pipeline. Okay, the interior looks good.
The Russian man: (Holding the camera) “hello.”
The Kenyan Lady: (Giggling like a sheep that has found fresh grass) “Hehehe, stop it, woi.”
He records them dressing up. The damsels look disheveled, drained but not confused. They look like they have just survived a whirlwind. They are laughing, but it is the laughter of someone who knows they have just auditioned for riches or a Kremlin passport. Or a Ukraine one. IF YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW.
Is It Love… or Passport Dreams?
The debate in the streets (and on X) was more heated than a Sunday sermon. Half of the delulu crowd were saying it’s “True Love” at first sight. The other half… the realistic half… knows that the moment our sisters saw the pale face, their brains started printing a Moscow Visa.
To her, he isn’t just a man but a walking airplane ticket. She looks at him and sees snow in December, and a life far away from the Republic of Dust. The guy might be a plumber from a village in Siberia, but in the eyes of a desperate African girl, he is the CEO of her wildest dreams. Khabusie!
Science says it takes seconds to decide attraction, but in Nairobi, it’s an Olympic Record.
When the brain sees a foreign man, it releases a chemical called “Exit-Strategy-Dopamine. ESD” This chemical shuts down the logic center (the part that asks “Does he have a job?”) and then activates the imagination center (the part that sees “Foreign passport that turns into citizenship”).
By the 44th second, the lady has already named their future children “Sasha” and “Ivan” and decided which furniture she will sell on Jiji before moving to Moscow.
The Plight of African Men – with the Exception of Nigerian Men – They Know and Have Been Doing This Trade For Profit.
Jehova! Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? Our God, why have you forsaken the African men? and blessed the Russian man!
We are here buying expensive cologne. Aftrer we take loans to take them to Kamakis for nyam chom. We are here paying rent and school fees for children who look like our neighbors. Just so that we can atleast make it to TOP 3 of her roster!
And then comes Vladimir. He spends ZERO shillings. He speaks ZERO coherent sentences. And he gets to TIMBUKTU WELLS where he quenches his thirsty before our very own african brothers who owns the land and homestead sorrounding the well. There is a chance he lives the well which turns into a borehole.Ooh i feel pain here on my chwest!
Is this what our grandfathers fought for in the forest? Did Field Marshal Dedan Kimathi suffer in the Aberdares so that a Russian man from Moscow could come and harvest our beans in under 44 seconds? Eat the beans and leave the owner of the homestead to lamba cold soup that remained in the pot/sufuria??
It is painful, disrespectful and quite frankly an abomination.
These videos are wild. As an African man you watch them and you feel your chest tightening. You look at your own wife, a.k.a your own Mama Assembly, and you wonder, … If a Russian walked in here right now and said ‘Hello,’ would I still be married?
The answer is terrifying.
To our sisters: We see you. We see how cheap the price of entry has become. You have lowered the cut-off points for admission into the Borehole so low that even people without paperwork are entering. Once again a prophet by the name “your own african brothers” has been dishonored in his hometown.
THE FINAL REFLECTION
As I sit here in my bedsitter, while my prepaid electricity meter chirps like a hungry chick, my heart is heavy. My pockets are light, but my observations is still premium. As I eat steamed spinach and pumpkin seeds so that my ekegongi can be like that of Engonga Ebang Baltasar, the jailed exploerer of nether lands, I realize that the African man is like a local manufacturer. He faces high taxes, high costs, and zero protection. While the Russian man is the “imported cheap goods” from China that come in duty-free and take over the market.
ADVICE TO AFRICAN MEN:
Men, do not blame the Russian man. He is just an investor utilizing available resources. If you see your woman laughing at a phone screen while a man with a heavy accent is talking, don’t ask questions. Just know that the Site Inspection has already been booked. If you want to keep your woman faithful and secure, stop taking her to nice places. Buy her a ticket to Russia immediately. Let her go there. The cold weather will freeze her confusion, and she will realize that a broke Kenyan man who speaks Swahili is better than a muted video on Telegram. Ruto Must Go! Otherwise his vision of a visa free country that lets in Russian will see our good country raise pale-skinned kids who speak a foreign language – Russian.
In other news, this white woman below is touring Africa and going viral over, her before and after pictures, with some cultured men. Maybe it is not all gloom and doom for the African man!
